National park, Fear and Flow State

Dear friends and family,

I had a lovely stay at the lodge near the summit of the Llogara pass in the National Park of the same name.

This lodge reminded me of the National Park lodges in a place like Glacier National Park. In this case it was privately owned and leased on land from the National park. 

It’s interesting to see for me who works at a place like this. In this case it was mostly people from India. They come on a six month to one year contract, again working for a subcontractor who recruits them, takes care of their visa paperwork and then contracts them out to the lodge. They wait tables, clean rooms and attend the front desk. 

In discussions with three of them I found out that they really like the arrangements they have: they get lodging, food, clothes, laundry service in exchange for work they get paid for and with no expenses, they can save everything to get them a jump start on their lives or send to family in India. 

All of them I met intend on renewing these contracts because it is such a good deal and as I found out, a beautiful and well run facility.

The service here was impeccable. In fact, slightly scary to me. On the weekend, the first two days of my stay here, there were several families staying for the weekend to hike and let the kids frolic in the indoor pool. On Monday after all the families left, I was the lone customer. When I went into breakfast I notice the absence of the huge buffet that was set up the day before and then went to the seat I sat in the last two days and notice a custom setup of breakfast just for me. What was spooky was it was only the foods that I took from the buffet the day before, in larger quantities, but only those EXACT choices. Sure, it was perfect for me, but I did not realize how much I was being tracked!

When I got into my room the day before after the hard ride uphill, I took a short nap and just before dark walked out on my balcony and thought I saw reindeer. Shouldn’t have taken that hit of acid, I guess. Well, it was not reindeer, but just the local deer in a pasture behind the lodge. I asked about them at the front desk and was told that they keep them in the fencing during the winter as the males fight each other and attach the guests which is bad for business. When I asked how they could catch all these wild deer for the winter the front desk guy said “We just put out a bucket of corn and the next morning all the local deer are in the fence”. Who knew?

I quite enjoy meeting all the different people I meet. These days, they all want to find out what I think about the US Politics. Every one of them seems very informed as to what is happening in the US, and very up to date ( and concerned). This has been the added joy of bike touring for me, meeting people I otherwise would not come across. Yesterday, near the summit of the pass, I stopped to catch my breath and have a snack at the side of the road and heard a noise, a greeting I guess it was. Up from the high grass sat a man who appeared to rise from the earth, with long wild hair, long beard filled with twigs and grass, and clothes that look like they might have been worn nonstop for years. He greeted me with a big smile and I soon found spoke no English. I am normally quite comfortable meeting strangers, but he was stranger than most. The right word in this case. I was interested, but a bit taken aback as he approached. Half animal and half man? Too much oxygen in my thinking brain from working so hard on the uphill ride? 

With mime and laughter he seemed to be telling me that soon all of Albania will be rich from tourists visiting here and since he was so old that he remembered this being communist with no money. It was unfortunate that we did not have a common language, because once I got over my fear, I wanted to understand more of what he was talking about. I left to ride and he returned to the earth. 

Speaking of rides, yesterday was an “all time” ride. 

Leaving the lodge, I expected a steep climb and a pushing of the bike to the summit before a long expected descent. So, with the breakfast fueled energy I did push the bike until I could overlook my upcoming descent.

What I saw affected my sphincter, as the steepness and the hairpin turns had me short of breath with the view. My only other choice than dropping down into this was to return from where I came, and I don’t know what that would accomplish to help me on my way.

So, I took stock of what and where I was. I knew that after a solid four months of riding that my riding chops were good. I was strong and in good control. My bike had been recently tuned and the brake pads replaced. 

This wasn’t looking impossible, just very challenging. I purposely took some deep breaths. Fear was filling me. 

So, I sat my butt down on my worn Brooks leather seat, dropped my hands to the drop bars, and pointed downhill, with both hands controlling the brakes. Somewhere between three quarters of an hour and an hour passed before I arrived at a viewpoint near the bottom, not really sure of what happened, but knowing that this was a seminal experience for me. I had been researching fear and how I handle fear and deal with it in different circumstances and even writing about it in this blog earlier. 

Now I experienced another way to deal with fear, which was to dive deeply into it, straight and strong. 

I can only define this as the state of FLOW, which I have written about before but in a different circumstance. 

In my earlier studies of the flow state, I found there are eight stages necessary for the flow state (see Csikszentmihalyi and “flow state” if you Google it).

They are:

1. Complete concentration on the task;
   1. I did have that, for sure
2. Clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback;
   1. My goal: not to die, not to hit a rough patch going fast and not skidding in the gravel at the side of the road, all while under control
3. Transformation of time (speeding up/slowing down);
   1. I don’t recall the time, or the time passing
4. The experience is intrinsically rewarding;
   1. I was smiling the whole way, feeling the sun, the wind, the feel of the tires on the roadway and myself controlling the bike
5. Effortlessness and ease;
   1. There was no effort, comfort might be a better description
6. There is a balance between challenge and skills;
   1. After four months of riding, my skills are strong, so are my muscles and mind control
   2. The ride was VERY challenging
7. Actions and awareness are merged, losing self-conscious rumination;
   1. Felt everything
   2. Sensed everything
   3. No ruminations about it
8. There is a feeling of control over the task
   1. I was in complete control
   2. There was NO feeling of fear.

And after?

Happiness? Hormones? Dopamine?

High self confidence, not hubris. No anxiety.

Would I want to repeat the same experience? No thank you. 

Maybe a wingsuit flight?

I am on my balcony of my apartment writing this while overlooking the sea. The temperature is about 55 degrees F. I am in Himare, a small resort town on the coast of under 3000 so far friendly people. 

Yes, exploring outside AND inside, sure am enjoying this.

Sending love,

Charley