I am writing this on Dec 29th, what will be either three or five days before my departure.
Now i am in Port Isabel, the wind is gusting to 40 from the north, the water is filled with whitecaps, even in the very protected waters on the inland lagoon.
I have now told a lot of people about my plan to sail north from here, both in the blog so far and in person all along my travels getting here from Washington. As well, those at the motel here and the bar next door are wishing me well.
If someone wasn’t used to sailing long distances or bike touring over months, the foreign nature of this could seem almost too wild.
Yes, I am anxious. I decided on a challenging adventure here and have been learning and training and preparing the boat with gear, food, etc.
So soon it will be time to push off the dock and be out there on SNARK on my own sailing north.
I feel a lot of pressure to do this well and safely and of course enjoyably.
But here is what I also feel.
There is quite a famous story about a guy named Donald Crowhurst, who set sail in the first Golden Globe Race, which was the first solo, non-stop sail around the world in 1968 and had a 5000 pound (in 1986 pounds sterling) first prize.
A book and movie was made about this ill fated trip: THE STRANGE LAST VOYAGE OF DONALD CROWHURST and the movie THE MERCY.
Once he departed, Donald realized that he had put himself in an impossible double bind. He was on an ill-prepared boat for sailing the Southern Ocean and would probably die trying and if he did not finish, he faced financial ruin and public disgrace.
It turns out that he sailed out into the Atlantic, stayed in one place and started a second logbook faking his position per day as if he was sailing around the world in the fleet and wanted to fake the entire race, come in last, and by being last, would not have his logbooks scrutinized. But because of so many others dropping out, he was likely to end up first or second, then getting found out and having that disgrace, so it appears that he stepped overboard to his death and his boat was later found floating without him aboard.
I don’t want to claim that my situation is anything as strong as that, but I can now more than ever understand his situation, based on the little pressure I have put on myself and imagine it magnified by his very public situation.
I don’t have to fake any logbooks or anything like that and can change my mind at any time, load up the boat and head back. The pressure I feel is mostly self created, by the situation I have put myself in for this adventure.
One of the challenges of this adventure is the time ( and I guess I should add- money) invested over such a long period.
When I would get nervous or anxious when in rowing races it would typically last from when I awoke race day, through the drive to the start and the boat launch, but the the gun would go off and all I had to do was row. Total anxiety time of just a few hours. Once going, either sailing, rowing, or bike touring any anxiety is gone. It’s the time ahead that’s hard.
This trip started last April when I bought the boat. Then in earnest as I towed it south starting over a month ago. A lot of time to think about it.
I do like to put myself in challenging situations to see how well I do or don’t do and this is another case of that. For me, without challenges, I would be quite bored I think. But, the adventure still needs to be done.
I intend to send this out after I am well on my way north from here in my very well prepared boat that is well designed to handle this type of adventure well. And I hope to be enjoying myself as well.
I think of a rat being tested psychologically in a lab as to its limits, then find I have to jump into the cage and be the rat. Hmm.
The Roman philosopher Seneca talked about how the only people he pitied were those who hadn’t been through adversity or experienced difficulty. “You have passed through life without an opponent,” he said. “No one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”
I guess that is what’s driving me. No, not guess. Know.
Sending love from somewhere on the Texas Gulf Coast,
Charley
Great Read Charley,
Thanks!! Be careful, your in the “Western Hemisphere.”
Totally understandable anxiety. As you say, it goes away once you are underway and just have to think about how to get through each day.
You learn more about yourself as you traverse. Which parts of the trip appeal to most.
No matter how things go, you can still keep writing about it, which I assume is part of the enjoyment.
Good luck, love
Lynne
I hate to break it to you, but we are all vicariously through another of your adventures. No pressure (snicker). The majority of your followers have little or no chance of attempting, let alone accomplishing your version of retirement. We are entertained and inspired by your endeavors. Seems to me that this is why you are doing this. Being physically and mentally able to take on these challenges as well as the meticulous planning that it’s taken to get you to this point. It’s a thrilling buzz, getting to “go time” and I’m betting you’re digging it.
No surprise that you’ve got the night before type jitters. It’s time.
Overall, I hope you have fun. 40 mph winds and cautionary tale such as Donald’s are situations you will avoid. But Seneca’s message will be your North Star. Fair winds and following seas Charley.